I’ve pretty much given up on people understanding chronic pain and fatigue and exactly what a chronic illness is. I’ve come to understand most people just can’t fathom what my life is really like. I have learned to accept that.
When I got sick, I became severely neurologically compromised from Lyme and FM. I could not get out of bed due to extreme fatigue. I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say. I was extremely sensitive to any kind of input of sound. It overwhelmed me. It made me feel like my brain was going to explode. My reaction to prolonged talking, a noise or any kind of input was to sometimes start screaming. I couldn’t help it. It was how I reacted. My brain was on some kind of overdrive. I had no control over what it did.
I also cried a lot. I would be in the middle of a conversation and cry. I cried from deep, deep grief of losing every single facet of my life.
The pain was unbearable. It was down my entire left side. From the top of my head to bottom of my feet. It started in my head, then into my neck, mouth, and teeth.
Down my left arm and into my fingers. It hurt to touch anything. The pain continued down the side of my body, into my hips, butt, thigh, calf and foot. It left no part of my left side untouched. It was so bad that on some days I could barely walk because of the pain on the bottom of my foot.
I literally was too fatigued to get out of bed.
The only thing left of me, Kerry, was this horrid chronic disease.