Tag: thought

Mystery

Mystern

Mystery

My husband retired last July, and I got behind in blogging because I used to do my blogging and reading of blogs during lunch.  Now, I eat lunch with him. I’m trying to get caught up on reading other’s blogs and writing my own.

Overall, I’m glad that Warren is retired and is spending more time with me.  We have been together since 1970.  We moved in together that year.  When we were younger, and sometimes not employed, we always had a blast together.  I had pictured the same thing would be true now that we are no longer employed and have all day free to play.

The only thing I did not consider is that I am sick, and can’t go out and play anytime I want to.  Despite that, I am still enjoying having Warren in my life all day, every day.

This winter was very hard for me.  I had a flare of some kind, and was sick from New Years Eve until recently.  I am feeling on the upswing now.  But, it was a real scare.  I went back to spending days where I could do nothing but lay in bed, under the covers and be very sick.  I had a lot of pain breakthroughs that were very severe.  On those days, old tapes would start to play in my head.  I would start to think that I was going to spend all day, every day back in bed and be able to do nothing.

That is when positive thinking came back to save me.  I got myself calmed down and thought through the process logically.  I would admit that yes, I’m sick today.  But the recent pattern has been that I will be sick one day and then better the next.  Usually within two days, I’m up, dressed and going out to lunch with Warren.  I affirmed these things.  I prayed for help and guidance.  I practiced positive thinking.  I forced myself to think in a positive way.

As usual, it worked.  The pain eventually subsided and is under control again with morphine.  I have more energy and am feeling better just in time for summer.

Oh No You Don’t

Oh No You Don't

Oh No You Don’t

This painting is one I did a couple of months ago.  Somehow it didn’t get posted yet.

It is done with oil brushes and liquid inks and some pencils were added.  I did this piece in Painter 2015.

It was a very hard piece to bring to a conclusion.  I really liked parts of it, but there were areas, as it developed, that drove me nuts.  When I did this, I was focusing, as usual on lights and darks.  Values and good contrast are big parts of a good painting.

In Painter, it is possible to add a layer to the piece I’m working on, then I fill the layer with black and choose the composite method colorize.  When that layer is open, it turns the painting into grey scale.  It is then easy to see whether the painting has enough values going on.

I ended up turning this picture on its side several times before deciding that it would go this way.  That is something I learned in my first painting class from Flora Bowley.

It really comes in handy when working on an abstract.

I have had a very hard time this year with my health.  I have had a lot of break-through pain.  Something that hasn’t happened in over a year.  That, along with GOK (God Only Knows) has caused me to have to spend more time in bed and paint less this year.  I get very despondent on days when I feel sick.  It feels like I’ve stepped backwards and will never go forward again.

I think this is all part of the healing process from lyme disease.  A good friend and I have discussed this years’ setbacks.  I’ve concluded, with her help, that just maybe the bad days seem a lot worse because the good days are so much better.  I certainly hope so.

I try to continue to stay positive no matter what my health is doing.  I am just very grateful to be able to do art again.

 

Staying Positive Works — Strong Spirit

Strong Spirit

Strong Spirit

This painting was done in Painter, using oils, liquid inks and pencils.  I am using it because it is entitled Strong Spirit.  That is what I have.

I started this blog to write about fibromyalgia and lyme disease.  My intention was to write how my belief in a God of my understanding, coupled with affirmations, gratitude and positive thought had allowed me to find a peaceful, fulfilling life in spite of these chronic illnesses.

Then, practicing those things led me back to being able to do art, and art has pretty much been the focus of this blog.

Today, I want to write about positive thinking.

I came across the idea of having God in my life and thinking positive about 30 years ago.  I began reading a lot of varied books on many religions.  I put together an idea of what God is for me, personally.  I believe there is something that holds us all together.  I believe that we are all connected in some way.  I believe that when I, or someone else, does something negative or harmful, it affects us all.

I believe in taking personal responsibility for myself and what I can change.  As I read and researched, I concluded that the only thing in this world that is possible for me to change is me.  I can’t change you.  I can, however, change how I react to you.

This was working fine, and life was going along real sweet.  I was a textile/mixed media artist.  My work was starting to sell.  I was having shows in galleries.  I had been in a group show at a very prestigious museum here in Seattle.  I won awards for my art.  Life looked good.  Positive thinking and a belief in a God of my understanding was working.

Oops, I got sick.  I didn’t just get sick, I got completely disabled and unable to do anything but lay in bed and wonder when I was going to die.  Doctors said I was crazy.  No one, absolutely no one would help me.

Friends and family walked away.  As they left, they said “Screw, you.  You’re a little liar, you’re not sick, just crazy.”

OK.  I got mad.  I got angry, I got resentful, hateful, mean-spirited, the whole thing.  I threatened to divorce my husband of over 30 years.  I was one sick, miserable person.

Where had it all gone?  What was happening?  One day I woke up, and could stand myself no longer.  I vaguely recalled what I had practiced just before I became sick.  I was very dubious.  I figured, this stuff works when things go well, God is there when I’m happy.  But what happens when the pedal hits the metal?  It’s all gone.

Hmm.  Perhaps I had missed something.  “OK”, I said, find something to be positive about.  What?  I can’t remember what I found, but I found one small thing.  Like breathing or something.  I practiced being grateful.  I said affirmations.  I worked at it.  I was not convinced, but I went on with the teeny, tiny bit of faith I had left.

It worked.  Just as negative things build and grow larger and become overwhelming, so do positive things.  It built up.  I found more things to be positive about.

Don’t get me wrong, it was slow going.

Milestone — I got 200 Followers

Sea Life 2

Sea Life 2

I would like to send all the people who follow my blog a BIG thank you.  I just reached 200 followers.

When I decided to start a blog, I figured maybe I’d get ten people following.

I started this blog to talk about how I managed to have a life even with Fibromyalgia and lyme.  But soon after I started blogging, I saw that really, I’m an artist.  That is who I am.  Life can do what it will to me, I do art.

I thought Fibro and lyme had taken art away.  I basically did very little art for over 15 years as I was too sick.

Since starting treatment for lyme four years ago, the art abilities have come back. 

My God, My God, MY GOD!

Untitled 18 by Kerry C. MitchellI have had an off and on relationship with God in my life. 

When I was young, I went to church and Sunday School.  I earned a bible of my own by memorizing and reciting the 23rd Psalm.  Good for me.  But what did it mean?  I had no idea. 

What did I learn from that Presbyterian church that I grew up in?  Nothing that I  can recall.  There was no studying the Bible, no outstanding sermons, no breakthrough revelations, nada. 

I believed in the big guy in the sky kind of God.  I prayed and went through the motions.  But I never connected to God.  Never really understood what/who he is. 

I went to college and became a political radical in the 60’s and 70’s.  God was put by the wayside. 

Then I had a huge spiritual awakening when I was 33.  It was like, wow, there is a God and He is here; NOW. 

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