I Understand You Don’t Understand

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I’ve pretty much given up on people understanding chronic pain and fatigue and exactly what a chronic illness is.  I’ve come to understand most people just can’t fathom what my life is really like.  I have learned to accept that.

When I got sick, I became severely neurologically compromised from Lyme and FM.  I could not get out of bed due to extreme fatigue.  I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say.  I was extremely sensitive to any kind of input of sound.  It overwhelmed me.  It made me feel like my brain was going to explode.  My reaction to prolonged talking, a noise or any kind of input was to sometimes start screaming.  I couldn’t  help it.  It was how I reacted.  My brain was on some kind of overdrive.  I had no control over what it did.

I also cried a lot.  I would be in the middle of a conversation and cry.  I cried from deep, deep grief of losing every single facet of my life.

The pain was unbearable.  It was down my entire left side.  From the top of my head to bottom of my feet.  It started in my head, then into my neck, mouth, and teeth.

Down my left arm and into my fingers.  It hurt to touch anything.  The pain continued down the side of my body, into my hips, butt, thigh, calf and foot.  It left no part of my left side untouched.  It was so bad that on some days I could barely walk because of the pain on the bottom of my foot.

I literally was too fatigued to get out of bed.

The only thing left of me, Kerry, was this horrid chronic disease.

What Happened When I Got Sick

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I’m going to talk about what it was like when I first got sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), Fibromyalgia (FM) and Lyme disease.

FM, CFS and Lyme disease are difficult illnesses to diagnose.  When I first got sick in 1993, there was very little information for doctors or their patients about any of these diseases.

In 1993, my husband and I went to Mexico for Christmas.  While there, I ate some raw vegetables and guess what, got really sick.

When I came home, I continued to not feel well.  I was tired all the time, my head was cloudy and fuzzy and I could barely get myself to work.  Work was awful.  I couldn’t think, I was exhausted and the director was noticing.

The doctor I was seeing at this point knew I was sick, but didn’t have a clue what was wrong. However, he clearly saw I was exhausted and was giving me notes to my employer stating I was to take days off for rest.  Finally, one day I went in to see the doctor, and he said I just couldn’t work anymore.  I knew this in my heart.  But to admit it out loud, to come to terms with it was overwhelming.  I can’t work?  What would I do for money?  What would happen to me?  What was wrong with me? Frightened and scared to death is all I can recall.

This doctor referred me to another physician.

Then the nightmare really began.

Welcome to Kerry C. Mitchell’s Adventures

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Here I am, doing what I dreamed about.  When blogging first came about, I knew that was what I wanted to do.  Why wait so long?  I’ve been very, very sick.  Still am.

Why do a blog?  I want to share the experiences of my life and hope it helps somebody.

What’s this blog about?  It is about me getting sick with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and Lyme disease, not getting a diagnosis for 15 years and how after a bit of healing I’ve found some happiness and peace and rediscovered my art.

Why Kerry C. Mitchell’s Adventures?  What does adventure mean?  Well, looking it up, I found this:

  • an exciting or extraordinary event or series of events;
  • the participation or willingness to participate in things that involve uncertainty;
  • to risk saying something that other people may disagree with or find offensive;
  • to dare to go somewhere new or engage in something dangerous.

Wow, right up my alley.

For me, having a blog is an extraordinary event.  I welcome uncertainty, it always brings rewards.  I have always been willing to open my mouth and say things I know people will disagree with and sometimes find offensive.  Doing a blog seems daring and a bit dangerous.  I mean, I’m putting myself and my art out there. My soul, who I am.

Wonder if everybody doesn’t love me?  That’s OK.  I know I’m not everybody’s taste.

More importantly, I’ve learned that’s OK. .

The definition I like the best is that “this is going to be an extraordinary event.”  Yes, great, bring it on.  If you read about me, you’ll see I’m more than ready for an extraordinary event.

So that’s it.  I’ve done my first blog.

I honored you have chosen to read this.

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